Puerto Rico Reflections

If anyone asks how our workshops went, we say:

It was a great success... we had tears ;)

One of Laura's feedback points is that I created space for her shine.

I am learning from my teacher training, and have just flipped a great paradox.

I thought that teacher training would teach me how to Shine. I realize now that it is teaching me how to help others Shine.

The First Week Uncovered

It is a beginning... and the end of a cycle. Our first week of Teacher Training with Sianna. It was a cocreative coparticipative process. We literally designed our own classes, and cotaught with our peers.

Today, she said it would be a horrible disservice if we all left the training speaking like her. The purpose of this training is for us to discover our own voice, to reveal our essence, to personalize the experience of yoga through our lens of perception, and to learn how to express that with efficacy and eloquence.

I had my moment of recognition today as a teacher of Anusara yoga. Sianna observed me teaching Badokonasana. Just as she had done with my peers, she gave me real time feedback. She helped me to see the next steps, and then encouraged me to step forward with confidence.

I was longing for the opportunity to teach in front of her. In her presence, I naturally shine. She brings out the best in me, and so I get to witness the best of myself. It fills me with confidence, a deeper understanding and a sense of purpose.

It is a paradox. I am actually nervous before it happens. There is a part of me that is so anxious to jump into the fire, and another heavy part of myself that is very timid and faltering. And then the opportunity presents itself, I jump into the fire, and emerge pure, joyful and awake.

I really valued her contribution to my growth through her recognition of my foundation, her insightful guidance and her affirmation of my progress.

Reading the Malas

In Tantra, they teach us about the Malas. David, one of our guest teachers, put it into street slang for the soul... he translated the esoteric into broadly accessible terms.

Insecurity and self-judgement, i.e. looking through the lens of separation, is one of the malas that I have confronted in this training, and throughout my life. It arises as a feeling of being scrutinized and compared. David refers to the malas like wearing "rose colored glasses", only they come in a variety of different shades that color our perception... they're usually not rosy.

When this self-judgment arises, I become fearful of expressing myself fully and freely for fear of tripping, looking stupid, saying the wrong answer out loud...

This feeling is amplified in the presence of certain teachers, those who I hold in highest esteem. In their presence, I become hyperaware of my actions, and am often self-scrutinizing and self-adjusting.

Especially around these teachers, I would like to practice being very comfortable in my skin, letting my hair down, and just being myself. If I show them my true colors, they can be of their highest service and help me connect to my highest potential. My teacher wishes me well.

And she appreciates me, and shows me her affection in acknowledgement of my presence. There are times when I don't give myself permission to fully receive her blessing thinking I'm not worthy, or that I haven't earned it. I scrutinize my own self against my expectation of the model student. I am learning to embrace the guidance that I receive from my most beloved teachers, to be humble, honest and free to express myself from a centered and more authentic place.

David encouraged us to give our mala a funny name... to recognize it when it arrives... to acknowledge its presence... and to give it a little bit of love. Smithers comes to mind... Hello, Smithers.

We did a simple exercise that facilitated speaking with more authenticity. It was all about using your whole body as an instrument of your voice... to vibrate as a whole being. Just as in singing, the voice open up tremendously when you use your whole body to sing, so that every part of yourself vibrates sympathetically with your voice.

Integrity of communication is when non-verbal aligns with verbal.

Speak with your whole body

Embody the vibration of your words

Align with the message

We stood in front of our peers, and answered a big question:

Why do I teach yoga?

My first answer: I teach yoga because one of the great benefits that I receive is that it helps me to feel more compassionate and loving towards others... to feel connected and in relation to others. It has also guided me to live a more purposeful life. I see many people suffering from a lack of purpose or meaning, and I wish to help them connect to this great source of clarity and inspiration.

Before our second answer, we took an opportunity to ground our voices and resonate with that vibration throughout our whole body.

I relaxed. I breathed into my back body. I spoke again. My second answer: Yoga helps me to express myself from a deeper place of truth and self-knowing, and this lends itself to a more meaningful connection to myself and to the bigger picture. I wish to empower others to connect with this perspective.